Forming new habits in the new year

I am starting to really enjoy cooking at the moment and hoping I continue to feel this excited about cooking new foods. The last two days I've cooked three types of soup including French onion soup which was so tasty. I've also cooked fish pie for the kids and sausage & mash for lunch yesterday, along with chilli beef for stuffed peppers tonight. I made the effort to make the cheese, leek & onion pasties from the hairy dieters (bikers) cookbook too as for 6-7pp they are so worth it. Oh and I cooked some cookies with my 3 year old this afternoon which are mostly for him and his little brother. I've also got a shopping list ready for my husband to get a load more ingredients tonight to do yet more cooking!

Its been so lovely and I can't believe I'm actually excited to look up recipes and cook new things. I really feel this may be a turning point for me as although I had made some lifestyle changes cooking from scratch was one of the biggest changes I needed to make. Before weight watchers as a family we relied far too much on processed or ready made foods, takeaways, eating out and fast food. I was far more inclined to cook healthy meals for my kids but they'd often be simple healthy meals and too much of the same from day to day. I just didn't have the enthusiasm to cook before and so I'm really hoping I can maintain momentum and make this a new habit. I've also found its much easier to eat within my daily points when I'm cooking from scratch because I can make simple changes when cooking foods that really lower the propoints. It means I've found it quite easy to stick to points the last few days and haven't felt hungry or deprived.

I feel its big step towards an overall lifestyle change. My thoughts are if I change my  life enough it will be too hard to go back to my old ways and therefore (in theory) I won't be likely to gain all the weight back even when I do go through the rough patches. Hoping I can form enough new habits that I become a better person all round not just in regards to my unhealthy relationship with food. I'll end this post with one of my favourite quotes at the moment:

“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habit.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

Happy New Year!

Day 3

I'll this a quick blog as its going to be fairly mundane.... I managed another day completely on track, woohoo!

To help me see a good result on Wednesday I did the following today:

-I cooked a new recipe again (butternut squash risotto which was sooooo yummy)
-Went for a long countryside walk on my own and left the little ones at home with their Daddy. I managed to earn about 6 activity points according to my pedometer. (not to mention the steps that didn't count while I was looking for the bloomin' pedometer which has a habit of getting lost)
- Did some housework which also added up on the pedometer
- Tracked
- Snacked on fruit and saved having a treat until the evening
- Spent time reading various weight loss related stuff on the ww site which has proved very inspiring

The walk was absolutely lovely, it was very windy but not too cold and I found it very enjoyable to be out in the fresh air. I must remember that exercise, fresh air and the beautiful Norfolk countryside help me relax far more than chocolate any day!

Bring day 3 which I might add is already planned with some new recipes to cook including French onion soup for lunch, yum!

Out of Character

I decided that the only way I could move on from the Christmas indulgence was to get weighed. I would have gone to one of my leaders meetings which she's holding tomorrow morning but I just don't feel like a morning weigh in tomorrow then an evening weigh in on Wednesday would motivate me at all. So I popped down to boots and used their scales to weigh myself. I have absolutely no idea how they compare to the ww scales but according to them I've gained 3.5lbs. I'm really happy with that as I honestly felt like the way I ate I could have gained double or more than that! So I've got 4 more days to make a difference before my actual weigh in. I'm kind of hoping that maybe I could pull a stay the same out the bag but who knows. I'd be happy with a small gain and thrilled with a stay the same or a loss!

As for my blog post last night I did in fact give in to temptation. I think it went along the lines of chocolate, ice cream, more chocolate, more ice cream, a latte and oh just a little more chocolate! I woke up this morning feeling a little annoyed with myself and thinking I'd write yesterday off to start a fresh today. This is my usual tactic when I feel like I've blown it. Well I figured if I want better results I need to start being honest with myself so I tracked my binge. It was a little scary as I used 33pp out of my weekly allowance (shocking behaviour!) but its tracked and its better to be honest with myself. It really does make a nice change not to bury my head in the sand and always look for the fresh start. I ate the points so what odds does it make if I write the bloomin' things down. I think its paid off as I feel very positive today.

I also did something else a little out of character and I cooked! Now I'm not a terrible cook, in fact I'd say I'm ok at cooking and even enjoy it from time to time, so why do I find it so difficult to motivate myself to cook generally?! This is what I was wondering this afternoon when I stood cooking and thoroughly enjoyed it, not so much the clearing up afterwards. I cooked Jambalaya 12pp a portion and Roast butternut squash & red pepper soup which is zero points. Its a good job I enjoyed it as we are so limited on funds for the next month that there will be no takeaways or eating out this month, which I can't help but think is fan-friggin'-tastic given my aims to shift some weight it fits in perfectly. Pity it comes with the annoyance of being skint but never mind, everything passes.

Just got to hope I can keep up this positive outlook and who know's maybe the scales will be feeling kind on Wednesday!

Resisting temptation

Its nearly 5pm and I have managed to stay on track today... so far!

The fruit & nut Dairy Milk has been calling me not to mention all the other chocolate, pringles, ice cream and a few other bits of junk food we have in our house at the moment! So far I've managed to resist and stick to my planned meals.

A much as I want to give into temptation I know I will feel better for being in control again. If I can just make it through the day then I'll have officially gotten back on track.

Right off to cook Satay chicken noodles and then once the kids are in bed I'll point a treat I think, I just had to blog to stop myself from raiding the kitchen and remind myself just why I'm doing this. You'd think looking at the dreadful pictures from last Christmas would be enough of a reminder but apparently Chocolate overrides dreadful  photo's! Got to keep it together for the rest of the day. I can do it if I want it enough!

Christmas

I've had a lovely relaxed day with my lovely little family. Our boys have had alot of fun opening their presents and playing with all their new toys. I have taken it upon myself to stuff my face for the last week and you know what I have thoroughly enjoyed it! I know I should possibly be feeling remorse for such terrible eating the last week but I really needed the break. 

Part of me wonders if its excuses or I'm in denial but I had fallen into such a rut. The more I tried to stay on track the less I wanted to. I'd stopped wanting it, I wasn't committed any more, I was just going through the motions and hoping my motivation would find me again. Despite the huge gain I will probably face next Wednesday at weigh in I am glad I made the decision to take the pressure off. I decided I would not track or worry about what I was eating until I returned to my weigh in on the 2nd. As it happens I am pretty sick of feeling sick all the time! Its been like a little holiday and its been a nice break to my routine, but that's all it feels like to me. Somehow I know deep down that this isn't like the times before, its not the start of a downward spiral and eventually giving up. I miss my routine and I miss eating healthy food.

My motivation is slowly finding me again and so I will be getting back on track on Thursday giving me a full week to find my feet again before my first weigh in of the new year. 

I'm going to break out the cookbooks, plan a weeks worth of meals and stock our house up with healthy food again. I want 2013 to be the year that I turn things around and find a better me. 

Not a Character trait

I have not known what it is to be slim in my adult life and even before I actually had a weight problem I believed I was fat. I've felt fat then been fat for so long its difficult to remember that it not a character trait. Fat is not part of my personality so why does it it become the only thing I can focus on when I think about who I am as a person. Its almost become like my protection to be fat, I don't get any attention for my looks except bad attention. I don't have to worry that people are flirting with me and so on.

I have early memories from primary school of between maybe 6-8 years old and thinking I couldn't do handstands because I was fat and that no boys chased me when playing tag because I was fat. I look back at pictures and I see a normal child, but under the surface I was already self conscious and constantly compared myself to my cousin who was the same age but she was naturally very skinny as a child. It saddens me to think how early in life all this started and that I felt fat long before I actually had a weight problem.

I only started to gain weight to the point of it becoming a problem about age 13-14. I didn't become properly obese until my Nanny & Grandad passed away in a very short space of time,  I left home, I grieved and without my Mum controlling what I was eating to an extent I piled the weight on reaching my highest weight of 21st 10lbs at age 19.

I've spent 6 years being morbidly obese and I'm ready to find out what life is like without a weight problem. What's it like dealing with all the ups and downs of life without worrying that they've all been caused or made worse by me being fat. Learning that 'fat' is not part of who I am is going to take alot of practise, I think my mind will take alot longer to adjust to the changes than my body will.

I'm so curious to know what slim feels like, in a way it still feels like some kind of impossible dream. I guess I still doubt myself, I've got to start believing that I will succeed no matter what if I ever want to know who I am underneath the weight.

Very thankful

That I'm a stay at home Mum especially at this time of year. I adore being at home with my boys all year round and feel so thankful to my husband for supporting us so I can be with our kids. But all this talk of work Christmas do's, set menu's, office goodies, after work drinks and so on just reminds me of Christmas when I was in the office. The whole of December was just one big excuse to eat.

I really feel for people trying to lose weight with all the temptation at work. As I've already said I'm struggling as is, if I was being bombarded with temptation on a daily basis I think there's a chance I'd have given up and rejoined in January the way I've been feeling just lately.

Basically reading about other's struggling to resist temptation and making good choices regardless, I have realised I am in a very strong position to lose weight over the festive season. I've got no excuse in other words so I need to get my act together and lose some bloomin' weight!

Feeling so much better

I'm back on track today after 3 days off track and faced the scales last night. Now I gained 4.5lbs since Saturday BUT that's not all actual weight cause I weighed in the morning on Saturday and in the evening yesterday. Plus I knew I was facing a gain so I decided to wear my jeans as I want to get out the habit of putting light clothes on to weigh, just want to weigh in normal clothes again. 

I've also felt utterly rotten the last two days, eating junk food has just made me feel awful. I'm pretty sure I brought on a mild ibs attack and to be fair I deserved it. Its quite scary really because what I ate was still no where near my pre- weight watchers amounts and I used to eat like that daily. Its amazing how quickly my body has adjusted to healthy food and now I just can't stomach much junk food.  

I'm annoyed at myself on one hand as I just can't seem to make any progress its just one step forward one step back right now, however on the other hand I'm proud of myself for sticking it out despite the lack of progress. Its at this point in the past that I've given up as I didn't have the courage to face the scales when I knew I'd gained, so I'm very proud of myself for sticking to my word and not giving up. Also this time of year loads of people have dropped out for the festive season then will join again in January and I'm pleased that I'm still going to meeting when there's so few members still going. 

Basically I'm doing it differently this time, I can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. I need to make weight watchers fit into my life and I need to keep going even when it gets really tough. Reeally looking forward to a year of weight watchers and I'm going to make 2013 the year that I turn my life around by losing the weight. 

Undeserved gains

The worst kind of gains in my opinion! I gained 1lb at weigh in today and I don't feel it was deserved!

Sure I had a small blip on Monday night and I went to weigh in today not really knowing what to expect when I stood on the scales but I thought I would have stayed the same at the worst. Its frustrating as I just feel like I should be making more progress than this, I've had more gains that I thought I would have had by now and I would just like to have a few weeks in a row where I lose for a nice change. Getting a little fed up of playing with the same few pounds

I'm now 2lbs away from the lowest weight I got to this time around of 18st 8.5lbs. I would really love to see under that number before Christmas. That means having a friggin' awesome back to basics week I think! I would also love to see the 17's some time early next year, preferably January!

So logically (I am trying so hard to be logical about this gain and not emotional!) I didn't deserve a gain so in theory a good week this week should mean I see a decent loss at the next weigh in. Also can I honestly say I did everything in my power to lose weight this week? Well no.

The things I could probably have done better on include - tracking as soon as I eat something so I don't forget to track things, tracking the milk in my tea, eating the right kinds of food instead of using my points for junk, fitting some more exercise in and a few more things I can't remember right now. Basically I'm going to try harder this week and hope the scales are kinder next week. I can't let a little gain throw me off track especially when said little gain wasn't deserved. I am a big girl now and I understand that the scales aren't always fair.

Fresh start, a whole new batch of weekly points and weight watchers have launched the new plan so a few more bits for me to read through for inspiration. Here's to a good week!

Winter

We went to the beach today - I just love winter days on the beach! Just reminds me of my childhood we always used to go for long walks on the beach during winter, just love how fresh and cold it is. Was all wrapped up in so many layers I really didn't feel the cold so it was lovely and my boys just loved it. Its funny how cold or even rainy days don't stop kids enjoying themselves! 

Also stuck to my points and earnt myself 2 activity points from the walking so all good. Got to be creative this week and think of ways of getting me and the kids out as much as possible. 

Its funny how most years I find myself hating winter as I stay indoors so much. I just end up feeling tired and hating the dark nights. However this year I'm actually enjoying the cold weather. I'm thinking it might just be down to how much more energy I have since starting to loose weight. Already I'm finding myself wanting to be active and enjoying it too! I was in such a rut before rejoining weight watchers. I'm actually starting to consider the possibility that I'm not a lazy person. Almost makes me feel a little sad to think how much my weight has held me back and in ways I hadn't even realised too. 

I am enjoying the changes now and can't wait to discover more as I keep losing weight. All I know is I don't want to go back to the days where even light housework left me out of breath, I'd literally make excuses not to climb the stairs or do extra activity! Thank goodness I finally found the motivation to do something about my weight and long may it continue! 

Finally back on track

I'm currently away in Kent at the moment for about 3 weeks so decided I needed to find a weight watchers meeting down here if I stood any chance of staying on track. After much rushing around this morning we finally found the meeting and I was so pleased I did. I lost 6.5lbs!

This means after my three weeks of struggling, and getting to a point where I was doubting if I stood any chance of ever getting to goal, I'm now only 1lb off my lowest weight of 18st 8.5lbs. I actually feel like it might be possible to get 3 stone off by the new year, only 7.5lbs to go! I can't believe how different I feel to just two weeks ago, I was thinking I was a complete failure so my loss today gave me such a buzz and even more motivation.

On another point, I don't know if I'm a little mad but I'm aiming not to go off track over Christmas. I love Christmas from the point of view of making it as magical as possible for my two boys. However I just don't feel like I want to lose the whole of December and some of January fighting a gain over the festive period. It helps that we don't have alot planned this year (code for we have no friends lol) with all this relocation business we decided a quiet Christmas just mostly seeing family makes sense and with young kids we don't exactly party the nights away either. Baring all that in mind I just think I'd be using it as an excuse to eat. For instance we don't even do the big Christmas dinner with all the trimmings business! In fact we plan to have fun making sushi and I think we'll cook each of us our favourite meal for the day too. It might sound a little boring for some people's tastes but we just don't feel the need to go crazy. Makes the decision to try my best to stay on track a fairly easy one just hoping I can put it into practice now.

Overall of course my main aim is just to stay on track as much as possible and hope the weight continues to drop off, though I wish the stubborn bit around my belly button would get the hint and take a hike. I'm such an odd shape right now, just want to tell my body to get a grip - I don't need any more slimming off my fingers, toes, ears, boobs I mean for goodness sake not the boobs - just crack on and lose it off the tummy will you! Right now I've had a good rant at my body I think I'll call it night. x