I went a bit awol the last 3 and a half weeks. I haven't weighed in that time and certainly haven't stuck to the plan. In fact I'd describe my behaviour in the last few weeks as going into self destruct mode. I have been binging at every given opportunity and using food for comfort. I know I've been doing it and I know there are consequences but I just haven't felt the inclination to stop.
I think I've finally come to my senses and realised that while having the freedom to eat what I want whenever I want brings me some level of comfort it is very much short lived. All I'm left with is my clothes feeling tighter and a heap of guilt. It just makes me feel even more out of control when I'm out of control with food. So despite how difficult things are right now I cannot keep using it as an excuse for destructive behaviour.
I'm not about to list a whole bunch of excuses for the last 3 weeks because its not going to help get me back on track. Life is difficult and relocating was never going to be easy, I have the choice to let it make me anxious and stressed or take one day at a time. Its daunting when I think about it all at once but we don't have to do it all at once so I need to stop stressing about the whole task. Its ironic because its the problem I have when it comes to losing weight, I'm so daunted by how much I have to lose it puts me off. I need to take things one step at a time and stop stressing about the whole journey.
Anyway the most important thing is I have planned my food for today, I'm tracking and I feel motivated to stick to it. I'm not going back to meetings at the moment as I don't feel the scale is helping me that much right now. I've been getting far to caught up in the number instead of focusing on sticking to the plan. Ultimately the scales don't help me lose the weight, only sticking to the plan and exercising actually help me lose weight. What I need to focus on is doing everything I can each day to help me lose weight, not whether the scales have reflected that I've been doing all I can. Basically this whole being off track for the last few weeks was prompted by a stay the same that I felt should have been a loss. If a number on the scale can throw me off track so easily I need to get back into the swing of things before I start weighing every week. I think I'm going to weigh myself today and then I'm not going to weigh for a month. Over the the next month I'm going to focus on sticking to it because I want to not because of the reward I get from seeing the numbers drop.
I'm back and I'm going to all I can to stay in control.
