Blips and moving past them

I had a blip on Sunday night, last night and again at Lunch today. I don't even know why I had a blip last night as I'd managed to get all the way through to 9pm within my points then randomly had 3 slices of toast and some chocolate. Just don't know what came over me last night. I managed to have a pointed breakfast this morning but my resolve weakened when my 3 year old had a massive tantrum at the shops, this led to me going way over points lunch today. So currently I have no weekly points left and went way over yesterday and already over today without eating my dinner. 

Its driving me a little crazy I really want to just have some good weeks and nice row of losses on my card not the whole playing around with the same few pounds. I'm craving some progress, to feel like I'm getting somewhere with this bloomin' journey. 

I figure I may have time to pull this week back and get a loss as I can't make it to my Saturday weigh in so will either be weighing on Monday morning or will wait until the following Saturday. What I don't want to happen is that I relax because weigh in is 2 weeks away. I need to pull this back now otherwise I'm going to be facing a gain next Saturday which will just demoralise me further. 

I need to remember that taking control of my food actually helps give me control back in the rest of my life! 

My plan now is to continue with my planned meal for dinner not go crazy the rest of the day. I'm not going to worry too much about the fact that I've gone over today and start fresh tomorrow. I think if I point the damage it will just frustrate me and add to the feelings of failure. I wonder if I can get back on track and secure a loss, 9 full days until weigh in so who knows?! Only other problem is that I'm going to be away in London Friday night... but if I get back on track then I can make good choices while I'm away so not much of an issue. 

Here's hoping I can get my head straight! 

Turned upside down?

This might be a mostly off topic post but kind of important stuff right now.

So in a matter of a few weeks my life has been turned upside down. I've gone from quite happily living in Norfolk no long term plans to move from our lovely house to relocating to Kent! I'm sure your dying to know how this came about... or not but here I go anyway.

With the whole client holding out on paying my husband for 2 months worth of work and his one month notice period we were left in a pretty dire money situation we've kept ourselves going now for about 3-4 months with no money so got to be proud of that but its getting difficult now. Hubby secured and started another contract 2 weeks ago only problem being that its in London and paying for hotels on a weekly basis is both expensive and no way for hubby to live. This has all resulted in the decision to relocate and the realisation that the sooner the better. The sooner we move the more money we'll have at the end of this 6 month contract. Not to mention that I had to ask for a loan from my Mum and her Husband, which was cringe worthy! What can I say except its been rather stressful and not going to change any time soon what with the whole across country relocation thing!

Despite all of this is I lost 2.5lbs at weigh in yesterday morning getting me my 5th silver 7! I'm struggling a little today what with the stress I just want to eat junk food but going to try to resist.

Just so much going on in my head right now, just hope I can stay on track as much as possible.

In need of a fresh start

I lost my motivation for a good two weeks, This resulted in a 1/2lb gain followed by a huge 6lb gain! I honestly don't know how I managed to gain such a large amount in a week, I was mortified while standing on those scales. Thank goodness I have such an understanding leader!

So instead of moping about it I decided that as everything has changed anyway (with my husband working away again) to take this as a sign that I need a fresh start. Starting with being more organised.

Now normally I'm not the sort of person that has the patience to sit and plan all my meals let alone stick to said plan. Well I gave it go and I was pleasantly surprised! I planned meals for during the week, ordered all the food I needed online and actually stuck to the plan. It made it so easy to stick to points last week, I had points left over for treats and I actually enjoyed knowing what I was having at each meal. I also realised that I have changed,  food is becoming so much more about fuel. I find myself thinking 'what will fill me up for the least amount of points?' not 'what do I feel like eating' or 'what will make me feel happy/cheer me up/distract me/feels like treat food'. Its such a nice feeling to know I'm back in control and food is more about fuel than treating myself. Long may it continue, I really hope its a habit that I can keep.

This fresh start also meant I've had to change what meeting I go to from a Wednesday evening to a Saturday morning. Its still one of my leaders meetings which is great as she's so supportive I wouldn't want a new leader. I weighed yesterday morning after 9 days and managed to lose 7.5lbs! I was so pleased and it felt absolutely amazing to be on track and feeling like I'm making progress.

So this is my fresh start and I will get my life together. It was really disheartening feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere, just can't stand feeling like I'm failing. All I know is I refuse to give up especially reminded of this after a day out today at a wedding show with my cousin. A lovely reminder that I will be matron of honour in 19 months time and I really freakin' really really really.... really....REALLY want to be at goal by then!! 103lbs to go and counting...

Here's to a fantastic week and a loss on the scales next week!

Dairy free & gaining

I've had an absolutely mental week full of ups and downs. I'm over the moon to report my hubby secured another contract so on the money front things are looking up. He starts Monday so its going to be a big change for us from him working from home as he'll be away during the week now. In a way though I'm looking forward to the improvement in my routine and maybe getting on top of things around the house as I'll have nothing better to do.

After being told I have ibs last week and it not getting any better I decided to try going dairy free. I've been dairy free now since Sunday and my stomach has been so much better. I'm not sure if its a coincidence but I'm going to continue being dairy free for a few weeks then think about slowly reintroducing it. I don't want to be dairy free long term if I can help it but if its the difference between not eating dairy or being in pain I think I'd rather choose not eating dairy. Who knows it might a lactose thing in which case that will make it a little easier. On the weight watchers front I think not eating dairy will actually help as it forces me to cut out cheese and chocolate which are two of my biggest downfalls. It also makes it difficult to snack on junk as most processed snacks  include dairy, meals should be fairly easy its just snacking. I've discovered soya milk and rice milk though meaning I can have cereal still. I've also cut out caffeine so no tea, coffee or cola as I know this is a trigger for me too. Its been weird changing my diet but enjoyable too as its forcing me to look at ingredients and really think about the foods I enjoy eating.

I suspect I will gain tonight at weigh in because despite being dairy free I literally haven't tracked/stuck to ww all week. It sucks as I really don't want to gain but hey these weeks happen and its more important that I learn to get back on track after bad weeks than never go off track. I'm a little worried that it'll be some huge embarrassing number and I'll be really embarrassed in front of my leader but she's not there to judge so I just need to face it!

I really really really need to get on track this week and of course we've got a kiddie free day on Saturday to celebrate our anniversary so we'll be eating out and generally enjoying ourseleves, guess my weekly points need to be saved for Saturday then! Life goes on, just hoping next week shows a loss not sure I could cope with gaining 3 weeks in a row!

Fingers crossed for weigh in tonight that it's not as bad as I think x

Lost the plot

I have completely lost the plot this week. It started with me gaining 1/2lb at weigh in on Wednesday and since then I have lost my way with food.

I tried my best to draw a line and start fresh on Thursday by going to the gym. I was actually really proud of myself for completing my second run from week 3 of couch to 5k which included two 3 minute intervals. I honestly thought there was no way I'd be able to jog for 3 minutes as I believed I was one of those people who just can't jog so I really surprised myself! Its a pity really that I lost my way with food in the afternoon which has spiralled into 3 days of being off track.

I guess I should cut myself some slack as we did end up going to London yesterday for an interview for hubby (thank goodness he finally got one after 3 weeks just fingers crossed he gets offered it on Monday) and today it was my son's 3rd birthday. Hardly a normal week but still no excuse.

Oh and not to mention I've been in pain with my stomach for over a week and was finally diagnosed with IBS on Wednesday morning. It was a relief to finally know why I get such bad bloating and pain in my stomach which started about 2 years ago. It can be triggered by stress so I assume that's why I'm having such a bad attack right now with everything that's going on. On one hand its frustrating that its not an easily solved health condition but good as I now have a chance at working on controlling it and its not generally a serious health problem just an irritating one. The dr gave me a prescription for peppermint oil tablets but so far I haven't noticed any difference so if I'm still suffering after 2 weeks I'll be going back. I'm going to see if there's a pattern to stomach pain and what I'm eating but again so far I can't pin it down. I've cut caffeine out as I know that causes problems for me but apart from that I really can see a pattern between food and attacks.

So all in all an emotional week and I've dealt with it terribly on the food front. I guess the best I can hope for now this week is a small gain. Its the first time since restarting weight watchers that I've had a can't be bothered attitude. I almost want to not bother now until after my next weigh in but then the logical part of me keeps reminding me that I need to draw my line and move on. If I start again tomorrow I could possibly achieve a stay the same or a really small gain but whether I actually have the enthusiasm to get back on track is another thing. Its part of the reason I decided to write a blog post as I need to remind myself that all is not lost and my life does not revolve around a weigh day.

I feel like I'm back to playing the same old track... lifestyle choice not diet....not giving up....eating junk only serves to make me fatter and therefore miserable....moderation not restriction... blah...blah...and blah! I know it so why can't I put it in to practice this week. I actually enjoy food far more when I can't just eat everything in sight and I have to really think about what I want to spend my points on. Losing weight gives me far more joy and sense of achievement than eating my weight in junk food! (now wondering what 18st 12lbs worth of junk food would actually look like?! Pretty disgusting I'd imagine!)

The sensible option would be to get back on track in the morning, put the last few days behind me and stop making excuses. It'd also be good if I could make it to the gym tomorrow. I just need to make positive steps and not dwell on my mistakes. It all sounds so easy written down, I wonder if I can move on and start again tomorrow? We shall see....